The Subtle Art of Self Discovery
by serenitymeimei
Summary: For the first time in nearly thirty nine years, Erica realized what being happy truly meant. Callie/Erica


**Disclaimer:** If Grey's were mind, Brooke would've stayed even if Erica and Callie had broken up for good... just sayin'. (see profile for a REAL disclaimer)

**A/N:** Written for the LJ Erica_Callie fic exchange, and for _Brookes_Leaves _who requested- _"I really don't care as long as it's happy Callica. It can be sexy, silly, dirty, romantic, etc. as long as there's a happy ending. :)"_ Fluff is the _ONE_ genre I cannot write, so I hope I did it justice, lol!

* * *

**December-**

Erica had led a solitary existence her entire life and for the most part she'd been alright with that. She thrived on academia and competition, and usually that was enough. Sometimes though, she wished for more, longing to share the lonely moments with someone who cared.

Meeting Callie changed everything.

At first, she had no idea what the proper procedures were. She was awkward and uncharacteristically shy, and half of the time she was flying by the seat of her pants. It didn't seem to matter to Callie, though. The other woman would smile and tease her, gently guiding her through the motions until one day, three weeks into their friendship, everything seemed to fall into place.

"Hey, Cal?" she called from the kitchen, "Do you want white or red with dinner?"

Callie grinned as she walked into the room, leaning against the island, watching her dish healthy portions of chicken stir fry onto two plates, "I feel like white tonight. You want me to get it?"

Usually, Erica wouldn't let anyone near her wine cellar. There were some pretty pricey bottles down there and quite frankly, people were clumsy. She didn't trust very easily. But, for some reason, that day she didn't think twice, waving her newfound friend toward the basement as she turned off the stove.

"Sure. Grab something from the early 90's?"

Callie chuckled as she stepped past her, and Erica leaned into the strong hand that pat her back reassuringly, "Of course. Be back in a sec."

She was humming when Callie came back up a few minutes later.

For the first time in nearly thirty nine years, Erica realized what being happy truly meant.

* * *

**January**-

The winter holidays had come and gone, the new year bringing Erica a feeling of contentment that she'd never known before.

She and Callie spent nearly every free minute they had together. They went dancing and drinking, to the theater, and shopping, doing pretty much anything and everything that they could think of. She quickly learned that it was a balance of give and take, one that was slowly beginning to take the place of her extracurricular work research, a day that she thought would never come.

"Hey, what are you doing this weekend?"

Erica blinked, a grin forming on her lips as she shut the chart she'd been staring at for the last ten minutes and turned to look at her best friend, "I don't know. I was going to catch up on the latest medical journals, nothing special. Why, do you have something fabulous planned that I should know about?"

Callie smirked, her eyes dancing in a way that told Erica she was either going to end up hungover by Sunday or with a massive dent in her platinum card. A few months ago, she would have been deeply bothered by either of those suggestions, but it was something that she found herself looking forward to- to her days off, full of carefree fun in every shape and form she could imagine

"Two words," Callie paused dramatically, "Galactic. Bowling."

Erica's brow furrowed. Was she serious?

* * *

**February**-

It's silly, but the first time that Erica realized her feelings toward Callie were a little more than strictly platonic the moment seemed so insignificant that its impact didn't hit her until she was safely tucked into bed later that night.

She laid there for hours, reliving the night that they'd spent on her couch. There'd been wine and cheesy movies, followed by laughter and chatting until Callie passed out around midnight. It was a typical night, like any other that they'd spent together, but something had changed. Instead of watching the television, she'd spent most of the evening casually glancing in her friend's direction. She studied her with a tender eye, carefully cataloging every curve and the softness of her skin, even the way her hair laid in loose curls around her shoulders, half of it falling out of her ponytail. When the other woman caught her staring Erica's heart had skipped a beat, practically melting as Callie flashed her a blinding smile, one that made her nose crinkle and her eyes shine with something that she couldn't quite put her finger on.

The next morning Erica woke to a cup of coffee and an impatient nudge. She yawned sleepily, having only gotten a few hours of rest, but more than willingly scooted over and allowed her friend to crawl under the covers with her. It was their Sunday tradition, to lounge there and read the paper together, drinking coffee or tea until it either turned cold or they ran out. She didn't know it then, but it was the first of many Sundays to come that would set Erica's nerves on edge, something that she would gladly endure.

* * *

**March**-

It was a rainy spring night, hovering just barely above the edge of freezing, when Erica realized that her attraction to Callie is something more than just a fluke or a simple crush.

They were out dancing, one of their favorite pastimes, and as usual they attracted a lot of attention the second they arrive. Only this time around, once they're surrounded by more than a few male suitors, instead of turning back to back like they usually did, Erica stubbornly remained facing toward Callie. It may have been the extra handful of tequila shooters the she'd downed at the bar or the way her eyes seemed to be glued to Callie's hips swaying hypnotically to the music, but she found that she had absolutely no interest in what those men had to offer. In fact, Erica felt... _possessive_ of her friend, gritting her teeth at the sight of masculine hands pawing at her curves.

The entire experience left an odd sensation weighing heavily in her chest. Erica didn't leave her side for the entire night, and Callie didn't protest.

* * *

**April**-

As time went on, Erica remained happier than she'd ever been. Coping, however, was starting to become a problem.

The day that she went to her first meeting with Dr. Wyatt she told Callie that she was following up with a previous patient and skipped their usual lunch break in the cafeteria. She'd received an odd look from her friend, but nothing more, and the session left her feeling more hopeful than she'd anticipated. Her goal wasn't to win Callie over, though that would be wonderful if she did by chance, it was to deal with her own feelings and learn to accept that all they were ever going to be was friends.

Eventually, she'd learn to live with it. As long as Callie was happy, so was she. That's all that mattered.

* * *

**May**-

"So, is it true that Montgomery's coming back?"

Callie looked up at her from a spot on the couch in the doctor's lounge, a chewed pen caught between her teeth, "What? Addy's coming? Did I miss something?"

Erica flopped down next to her, letting out a heavy sigh. She'd just finished a complicated, eight hour surgery and hearing two scrub nurses gossiping about the former Mrs. Sheppard's return had been a little jarring. As confident as she was about her and Callie's friendship, she was ashamed to say that sharing wasn't exactly her strong suit. It made her nervous that someone else was going to swoop in and steal her only friend away, show her just how sad and pathetic Erica really was.

"I don't think so," she sighed, rolling her neck, trying to loosen her muscles, "From what I've heard, Richard asked her to look in on a case sometime around noon and the rumor mill is already in full swing."

Groaning, Callie rolled her eyes and looked back down at the charts she'd been working on, "Figures. This place is worse than high school."

Erica smiled softly and watched as she scribbled something down and flipped the page, nibbling on her lower lip in concentration. It was positively adorable.

"So, you wanna head down to Joe's after our shift is over?"

"Only if you promise to let me win the first game of darts," Callie flashed her a quirky grin, nudging their knees together playfully when she snorted in response, "Oh, come on. Please?"

Erica sighed, the corner of her mouth flickering with the faintest hint of amusement. She knew she'd give in the second that Callie opened her mouth.

"_Fine..._ "

* * *

**June-**

A week had passed since the incident- since _the kiss_- and Erica was going nuts.

She hated this, every awkward moment and run-in, feeling the blush of her cheeks when their eyes met and the heaviness permanently settled in her stomach churned. It was beginning to wear her down. She had dark bags under her eyes and her clothes were starting to fit on her just a little too loosely. Enough is enough, she had to do something.

Raising her fist, she knocked on the door in front of her and waited for someone to answer. She hadn't expected that someone to be Cristina.

"She doesn't want to see you."

Erica's heart stopped beating, a cold sensation flooding her entire body. Gritting her teeth in determination, she forged on, not letting that stop her.

"Too bad, Yang," she pushed past the intern and searched the living room for Callie, "Where is she?"

Receiving nothing more than a raised brow and a glare in response, she sighed, allowing her body to sag slightly. She was just about at her breaking point, vulnerability slipping through her normally solid demeanor.

"Please?" she whispered, not quite able to meet Yang's eyes.

Silence hung heavily between them as the younger woman sized her up. Feeling Yang judge her like that was humbling, embarrassingly so, but if she wanted to find Callie and fix this she'd have to endure. So, she waited, and nearly half a minute passed before it paid off. Cristina tilted her head toward the bedroom in an uncharacteristic bout of kindness, and for that, Erica silently thanked her. She foresaw a few assisting spots opening up in her OR next time Cristina was working.

What she saw when she entered the room stopped her short. Callie looked miserable, laying in the bed facing away from the door with a used tissue crumpled in her hand, her eyes red and puffy, hair in a knotted mess at the top of her head. Erica didn't think twice about slipping off her shoes and sliding in behind her, wrapping an arm around her waist.

Callie startled at the touch, "Cristina?"

Erica tightened her hold, resting her forehead against the nape of the other woman's neck, taking a moment to breathe her in. She hadn't realized how much she'd missed this, being close to her. It was overwhelming.

"If I feel like Yang, I think I should be a little worried."

Stiffening at the sound of her voice, Callie tried to turn over, but Erica wouldn't let her, "What the hell, Erica? What are you doing here?"

When she was sure that nobody was going to bolt or try anything stupid, Erica loosened her grip and was rewarded by the feeling of Callie tentatively relaxing back into her. God, it felt good.

"We have to talk about this, Callie."

"What is there to talk about?"

Erica huffed, "Seriously? You're not bothered at all by the fact that we kissed and now we're both too embarrassed to even look at each other, let alone sit down and talk it out like adults?"

Callie remained silent.

"Yeah, that's what I thought."

A few beats passed, and the sound of Cristina channel surfing in the next room echoed loudly through the apartment.

"I'm not an experimenter. I don't like to experiment," Callie took a deep breath, her ribs expanding against Erica's hold.

She frowned, "Oh."

"Then you showed up," Callie continued, her voice soft and slightly wistful, "and we did it together... and the experiment was kind of a success."

"Oh..." Erica almost couldn't believe what she was hearing- wait a minute, a success? "Oh!"

Now she _really_ couldn't believe what she was hearing. Was she dreaming?

"Look, I've never done this before," Callie admitted, "I've never kissed a girl. I'm not sure I even like kissing girls. I don't, actually, like kissing girls. I like kissing one girl... _you._"

Erica reached for Callie's hand and squeezed it, a practically giddy smile curving her lips as she twined their fingers together, "I don't have anything to compare it to. You're the only woman I've ever kissed."

"I guess this makes us virgins, doesn't it."

"I guess in a way it does," she chuckled softly.

"_Vir_ -gins," Callie joked, her voice betraying her, cracking the tiniest bit, "Hey, we can be scared together..."

"Kinda virgins," Erica agreed, trying to put her at ease, "And, we can be scared together."

They laid there together until Cristina dumped a pizza box unceremoniously onto the end of the bed a few hours later, startling them both awake.

"Here. Get any crumbs in the bed and you're doing laundry for a month, Torres."

Erica smiled, but didn't move as Callie rolled her eyes and nodded her head in agreement as Cristina disappeared without another word, leaving them alone once again.

"I missed you," she whispered.

A pleasant flush shivered through Erica's body, "I missed you, too."

**End.**


End file.
